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Creative Satire

Yes, Please Give me Tips on how to be More Appealing to Men!

by Natalie Brennan //

Do you ever find yourself needing advice from the nearest man? Do you often wonder just how to appeal more to the male-gaze? Oh, but it is so hard to get any sort of advice from a man ever! Have you noticed just how incredibly hard it is to get their attention, and that accidentally looking at them, walking by them, or doing absolutely nothing at all often does not cut it?

If you aren’t considering your own desirability and its relation to your worth throughout the day, here’s your reminder to worry about it more!

Thankfully, you don’t even have to be looking for advice for it to be given to you. This was fortunately my case, as I returned from a day of studying at the Arts Library. Everything about my demeanor seemed incredibly approachable: whether it was the bags under my eyes, my backpack weighing down my shoulders, or my desire to take the world’s best nap. But of course, the one thought on my mind was how to appear more desirable to the next guy that enters my life. If you aren’t considering your own desirability and its relation to your worth throughout the day, here’s your reminder to worry about it more!

Returning to my dorm on this certain eve of a study session, I was more than delighted to find an unknown friend of a friend lounging around. I was even more delighted to hear him ask me if I had ever been to a fraternity house on campus. I was afraid that this question would result in nothing but small talk, so I of course did not try to escape to my room to avoid being asked any more questions about my weekend activities. I answered him honestly, and regretfully, that no, I had never been.

“But you’re a girl. Come with a group of you and you’ll always be let in.”

How interesting! I had, of course, never heard of any sort of ratio ideology before at these sorts of social events, and was hanging onto every word he was telling me. I appreciated the fashion advice he gave me too, sort of a “less is more” mentality. This was good because I never actually dress for myself, and only dress specifically to appeal to the male gaze. I’m glad he caught onto that. I informed him of my usual party attire, prioritizing my comfort, and then did not try to make a dash for the stairs to my room.

“Just be genuine. That’s how you pick up guys. Talk to them, a lot, and be genuine.”

REALLY? Was that the answer to this age old problem the whole time? Just be genuine? My mind had never been so blown open. How did he read my mind like that? I didn’t even have to tell him, and he knew exactly the question I was asking, the question that we all are wondering every second of the day. I just had to be genuine to appeal to men. What a piece of advice! This was so convenient, as of course my next move that night was to attend the nearest frat party, with all intentions now of being completely genuine.

It’s not everyday that you’re given such solid advice like that from a guy, unprovoked, while minding your own business!

I couldn’t thank him enough, nor did I have the words to express all of my gratitude, so I just silently walked up to my room, awestruck. It’s not everyday that you’re given such solid advice like that from a guy, unprovoked, while minding your own business! It’s certainly not a universal experience for any non-men out there. But I can’t help thinking of his advice any time I’m getting ready for any sort of function now. Just be genuine. Who could have thought of that one? I only wish I could have given him some advice in return.